The weather is improving and temperatures are expected to rise to a balmy 10⁰ C this week. This means the snow and ice is melting, along with your chances of taking a weather related day off.
Managers across the country will be breathing a sigh of relief that they won’t hear the words ‘I’m snowed in’ this week, but they shouldn’t be too complacent; the nation has plenty of other great excuses to miss work:
Pulling a sickie is always a popular choice for that last minute day off but the illness should be chosen carefully. There are some fail-safe options:
1. Illnesses that pass quickly – Migraines that can come on in a flash and can leave just as fast, or linger as long as suits your needs, are a good flexible option. That 24 hour bug that has been going around is another good choice, as is the allergic reaction which has caused your face to swell so much you can’t see. Use these and you can return to work as spritely as you like without arousing too much suspicion.
2. Highly contagious illnesses – Declare you have one of these and your boss will be begging you to stay away. No one wants an outbreak of swine flu, or whatever the latest epidemic is, to wipe out the entire workforce. Saying you have head lice is another perfect choice. Who wants head lice anywhere near them?
3. Embarrassing conditions – Mention you have diarrhoea or use the phrase ‘coming out both ends’ and no one will want any more details. If your boss is male, and you are female, you could always announce you have menstrual cramps or anything gynaecological to guarantee no further questions. Haemorrhoids are a good unisex option as is an emergency appointment with a therapist.
And of course, if you have kids, you are laughing. Just apply any illnesses to your children and you won’t even have to put on a sick voice.
The snow may have cleared but there are still plenty of other travel related problems to pull out of the bag when you fancy a lazy day:
1. Car problems – If your boss is not the mechanical type you could baffle them with a whole host of vehicle problems. Those sub hydro connectors can be a real pain in the damp, hot or cold weather. Or if they know a bit about cars, then state you have a problem with your brakes. No one will ask you to risk your life just to get to work.
2. Travel delays – If you have exhausted your car problems, do not despair. The roads could be blocked by a fallen tree or your keys could be locked in the car, or even locked in the house when you are locked outside. If you live close enough to get on your bike you can of course use the excuse that you have a puncture or that your bike has been stolen.
3. Public transport – If you use public transport it would be quite believable that the bus or train is late or the service has been suspended. If the service is generally good you could always claim to have fallen asleep and missed your stop or say you were too engrossed in reading up on some important notes that you went to the end of the line. Don’t forget to add that the buses and trains going back the other way are running late or cancelled.
There are many other emergencies which would require your absence from work:
1. You can’t leave the house – Maybe the water pipes have burst, the house is flooded and you have to wait in for the plumber. Your pet may be lost or escaped and you need to be there to let it in when it comes back. You could be locked in the house and the person with the key won’t be back until much later. You could climb out the window but that would be dangerous and the house would be unsecured.
2. You have an important duty to carry out – Perhaps your pet is ill and you need to make an emergency visit to the vets or you have just witnessed a horrible crime and must report it to the police right away. What if an elderly neighbour’s house has been burgled. She is terrified, doesn’t know what to do and has no one else to help her, shame on any boss who frowns on you for helping someone in need.
So whether you choose sickness, transport issues or household emergencies there are lots of great excuses to get out of work.
Happy duvet days!